Back again and with a guide to failure.

So, it appears that I’m here yet again. It saddens me to admit that my recent attempt of a ‘comeback’ failed miserably. It was a lousy piece of writing that lacked the Finn-ish substance that we have all come to know and love (nod, smile and act like you know what I’m talking about). Failure is never a nice thing to feel. Whether that be in education, work, relationships, friendships or the worst – and totally the best – giving into that 12″ Margherita pizza when your diet has been going so well; and when your closest heaven-like takeaway does a great ‘BOGOF’ offer, who can possibly say no? Unfortunately for most failures; the faster the drive, the harder the crash. It is important to remember that those horrible feelings in which failure brings – although intense – are only temporary. We must accept our mistakes and work from them.

From my own experience and the accounts of others, I believe that there are 6 different stages of failure:

Confusion

Sadness

Regret

Anger

Acceptance

and finally; motivation for something greater!

I, like so many others, do not believe that they are good enough. We already have failure in our heads and as a result we carry this through everything we do. I don’t see it happening at the time but it’s a more than reasonable answer for why I’m so bloody good at not putting in my 110%. I may mock my old drama teacher for her constant ramblings about ‘SFP’ – SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY, but for the most part, she was right. I mean, don’t get me wrong… if I believe that I’m going to turn into a Russian gymnastic potato, I doubt it will actually happen. But in terms of failure, it’s pretty effective to go into it with a positive outlook as hard as that may be.

And remember…

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE. THIS IS YOUR JOURNEY. WHO EVEN DEFINES FAILURE? DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DEFINED BY YOUR COURSE, JOB, FRIENDS, PAST OR WHATEVER OTHER CRAPPY THING SOCIETY PROJECTS INTO OUR EXPECTATIONS OF LIFE. HAPPINESS IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS. PROJECT YOUR GREATEST VIBES OUT INTO THE WORLD AND THEY MIGHT JUST BOUNCE BACK!

For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds ๐Ÿ™‚

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Liebster Award… I don’t get it…

Liebster award!

liebster2

Hey y’all. Sorry that I haven’t posted in a few days but I’ve had a lot on my mind and a lot of stuff to do.

Anyway, I’ve been nominated for a ‘Liebster award’. Sorry everyone but I didn’t even know what that was… awkys. As far as I’m aware, there are different Liebster awards and I was nominated by http://waywardwritings.wordpress.com/ for the new blog award – thanks btw :). I have to answer the 11 questions that person sent me. So, here it goes…

  1. What is your favourite season, and why?ย My favourite season is probably Autumn. I like it when there’s a mild heat that doesn’t bother me and the wind is blowing like a low setting on a vent – what is this? a fucking novel or something. Halloween is also my favourite season special.

2.ย How do you like your eggs done? I like my eggs fertilised. No? OK…Scrambled eggs can be good. Egg soldiers can also be good. I’m not a big fan of the yolk though.

4.ย What are you good at? I’m particularly crafty in the art of humiliating myself. I’m not sure to be honest. I’m not that good at anything. I think I’m ok-ish at writing – or at least I’d like to think so. I’m also very good at being lazy and staying in bed watching films.

5.ย Favourite Christmas special on TV? What does this even mean? Like movie or an Eastenders Christmas special type of thing haha? I’ll just say Home Alone or something.

6.ย Name a random hobby. This blog I suppose.

7.ย Do you collect anything?ย I have a bad habit for hoarding receipts and tickets.

8.ย Name one thing or type of thing that you always have to buy, but know you donโ€™t need.
Junk food, cigarettes, alcohol… Wait, who am I kidding? Of course I need all of these things. I do need to quit the junk food though!

9.ย Favourite scent?ย  CHIC for men by Caroline Herrera or Paco Rabanne One Million.

10.ย Pumpkin spice lattes: yay or nay?ย  I’ve never had one but it’s so “Hey Tiffany, do you want me to order your pumpkin spice latte? They’re really hawwwt” which makes me love it somehow. J’adore white girl USA.

11.ย Mac or PC?ย Mac even though I’ve never had one. They turn me on.

That’s that. I’m not nominating anyone else because I don’t know anyone and I don’t want to go through a hassle of finding people. #AprilLudgateForLife

It’s my holiday ๐Ÿ˜ด

Greetings. I know that I haven’t posted in a couple of days so just keeping you all in the loop. I can’t remember where I left you but it’s been a sort of stressful week as far as Finn weeks go. I’ve had a lot of college work to deal with and I’ve been working at this toy shop which is sort of scary. Although, I’m slowly getting used to it and I’m even getting to grips with working the dreaded touchscreen tills. Fair enough if it was “that’s ยฃ5 please… And here’s your change.” But, no. I have to worry about things like ‘add ons’, online ‘click and collects’ and a bunch of other scary stuff. I feel like such an idiot sometimes haha. I’m also working tomorrow from 12-4 which is peak time. It is also a Saturday at the beginning of a school holiday which means it’s going to be absolutely mobbed! Can I handle it? Probably not. But I’ll sure as hell give it the good old college try – if that’s even the right saying… Sorry; I’m sadly not American. It’s been a good week for television as my favourite show ‘American Horror Story’ has returned for its fourth series which is sub-titled: Freakshow. It was f*cking amazing and if you watched it then you might like to know that so far Bette and Dot are my favourites and of course the queen of AHS herself, Jessica Lange who plays the German, Elsa Mars. If you haven’t watched it then you either need to start or you need to get away from this blog right now you cretin. ‘Bad Girls Club’, the American reality show also made its final return. For those of you who don’t know, it’s a show in which a bunch of self-titled “bad girls” live in a mansion together. It’s even better than it sounds. It’s also hard to explain for people who don’t get that culture. Today I have started watching ‘Parks and Recreation which is freakin’ hilarious. I do not know why I hadn’t clicked on to this show until now – all thanks to a meme I saw on Instagram. Amy Poehler and Aubrey Plaza are hilarious and I’ve been in genuine stitches every episode so far! I’ve also redeveloped my problem for sleeping through alarms which has seen me in 2 hours late to college this morning. I think I need to invest in a genuine alarm. Perhaps one that pours water over me and beats me to liveliness. Also, while it’s still in my head; does anyone else get disgustingly embarrassed at the thought of people hearing you sing?

For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds๐Ÿ”ฎ๐Ÿ•๐ŸŒšIMG_4192.GIF

Stats are rats

It’s early morning and I’m not fully functioning just yet. However, I’m functioning well enough to realise the stats on this are wrong. Before I went to sleep last night I had about 5 likes on a new post yet it was still saying that I had only accumulated 3 views even though it was posted on the same day. So, when I woke up I checked again and I had beat my record with 7-ish likes on my post, yet somehow only had 5 overall views… How about no?
For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds๐Ÿ”ฎ

A mask, a task and an overall fail.

Hello. I know that I said I’d write a post today/yesterday (it’s just after midnight) about my first day of work but I know it will be long and I’ve left it too late. I have college in the morning so I need to be up early. However, if I don’t post anything then I would be letting myself down.

So last night I set myself a few tasks to be done today/yesterday/you know what I mean. First of all, I needed to go to the bank to change my address and get a new card as my current one has expired and I don’t know if I’ll get paid on it. Secondly, I had to finish my assessment that was due a week ago. And last of all I had to write up a couple more posts to go on here.
Well, well, well… Typical me managed to more or less fail all of my tasks. I thought the bank shut at half 5 but I sadly arrived at 5:01 just as it was shutting. Once I went to finish the last part of my assessment, I am added to a group chat made up of my classmates in which everyone is discussing the new assessment. Now bare in mind that I didn’t know this new assessment even existed – let alone that it’s due for tomorrow. So now I have something new to stress about, and the fact that every single person in the chat is saying how impossible it is doesn’t help either.
What would a normal person do in this situation?
Probably sit themselves down, study the shit out of the assessment and then try and get it started.
What would I do in this situation?
Well, in typical Finn fashion I let myself get distracted, start messing about, forget about my original assessment – which I managed to finish later on – and end up playing a game of chappy/ding dong ditch/chap door run/whatever you call annoyingly knocking at a door then running away. Yes, my childish self manages to persuade my flatmates to join in too. All of our attempts fail and no one even answers as we watch through the peephole, mimicking – or reliving – our younger selves. As that failed I weirdly suggest that we write funny death threats to leave at our neighbours doors. Again, no one answers. So, we end up moulding a mask made of tin foil to my face and changing my attire to ‘ski resort robot serial killer chic’ to try and scare passers by. This was also a fat fail. We retire to our boudoirs, time passes by and now here I am. I still have tomorrow to do my assessment though which isn’t too bad. I also forgot to mention my many memory attacks that I incurred today. Memory attacks, you ask?…
I can’t remember, sorry.
For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds G’night ๐Ÿ™ˆ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐ŸŒƒ

My regular movie binging weekend

Hey y’all. So, this weekend was pretty uneventful as basically everyone I know in my student halls was home for the weekend –ย laaaame! During the day on Friday I had an introduction type thing at my new work which is at a toy shop. It was only safety procedures, a tour of the building, getting my rota; that type of thing. The 2 hours seemed to drag on a bit. Although, I’m certainly not complaining as I need the money. After my introduction I stopped at the ridiculously expensive Sainsbury’s for movie snacks as I knew what the weekend was going to entail.

Cheeky wee me had already downloaded plenty of new things to watch – tooootallly not illegally btw ๐Ÿ˜‰ – so once I was settled in and had made dinner etc. I weirdly decided to watch a new rom-com type film called ‘What If’. It had Daniel Radcliffe in it which definitely took me a while to get used to, as at first I just couldn’t take his non-Harry Potter acting quite so seriously. He played a recently single man who was in the severe post-breakup stage which you tend to see dramatized a lot in film. At a party hosted by his friend (who’s played by ‘Girls’ and upcoming ‘Star Wars’ actor, Adam Driver) he meets Zoe Kazan’s character Chantry and they seem to hit it off. He walks her home and then she mentions her boyfriend *DUM DUM DUMMMMMM!*. Despite throwing away her number they later meet at a showing of ‘The Princess Bride’ – which prompted me to re-watch it later on in the weekend – and they challenge the idea of the age old question; can boys and girls ever be just friends… WHICH IS YES. The movie is about their relationship developing and them obviously becoming more than just friends but without them openly admitting it. I enjoyed Kazan’s performance as I thought she was quite sweet and fresh. I would possibly keep an eye out for her. Radcliffe’s performance wasn’t awful either once I got used to him but I know that many people say that he’s pretty shit, although I hear he’s quite good in upcoming film ‘Horns’, which I have also not downloaded illegally.

After the film, I took a little tea break and then started watching ‘White Bird in a Blizzard’ which I have wanted to see for quite some time. It is directed by Gregg Araki, whose films I usually enjoy although sometimes bazaar. This film features two actresses whom I love: Shailene Woodley and Eva Green. They play mother and daughter. We are told at the start of the film that Eva Green’s strange character, Eve has disappeared. The film is sort of about how Shailene Woodley’s character Kat deals with it and comes of age. The film also slowly unravels what has really happened. I’m trying not to write too much on this post as I’m quite tired but let me tell you this: I thought that it was a very good film with some amazing performances by Woodley, Green and supporting cast. It furthers my love for Shailene and she is definitely nearing my favourite actress spot. The film will appear a little strange to some but I say just give it a chance and appreciate it for what it is. Perhaps my favourite film of the weekend.

I fell straight asleep after the last film and didn’t wake up until ridiculous o’ clock the next day. Basically as soon as I woke up I got started on other things… I watched the first episode of ‘Gotham’, the Batman spin off crime show set just as Bruce Wayne/Batman’s parents die. It had flaws but also has the potential to become something I watch weekly and praise. I watched the new episode of ‘Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D’ which I thoroughly enjoyed as I always do. As previously mentioned I watched ‘The Princess Bride’ which I haven’t seen in so long. Each moment was a savored sense of nostalgia. A true, true pleasure. I even smile just thinking about it. If you haven’t seen it; WATCH IT!!! It is a complete classic. Ahhhhhhh! “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. prepare to die.” So many memorable performances in one film! I also watched ‘Lucy’ which features the wonderful Scarlett Johansson as a woman who ends up unlocking 100% of her brain. I had heard mostly bad reviews of this but I have to say that I quite liked it. It was different but it was enjoyable. I ended the night with ‘Nymphomaniac Volume 1’ which if you’ve heard of, you already know the craziness. I still haven’t finished it as I fell asleep but it is about a woman’s story of her being a nymphomaniac (sex addict). It is quite fucked up at parts and someone who isn’t used to different types of film would be shocked. Despite Shia Labeouf’s awful attempt at a British accent, I thought it was rather good from what I saw. For those experimental types; give it a go.

Anyway, today is Monday and I have been working the majority of the day. Don’t worry, I’ll post all about it tomorrow.

For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds ๐Ÿ™‚ G’night.

Bed time

Hello. It’s around 4am and I’m about to try that thing called sleep as I have my first day of work tomorrow at half 3 and I’m pretty nervous about it. I’ve been listening to Sam Smith’s album The Lonely Hour. It’s quite impressive. I can remember when I first heard Sam Smith’s songs ‘La La La’ and ‘Money On My Mind’, I absolutely detested the man. However, when ‘Stay With Me’ came out, despite not liking it at first, I grew to love it. Then when I heard ‘I’m Not The Only One’ I loved the guys music. His voice and style is very different to most male artists out there. Anyway, the point is that not everything is as it seems to begin with so don’t judge things too quickly. This was by far my worst post so far.
Another pointless post by maraudingminds.

There and back again

Hello, I wrote this post as I’ve been thinking about how I always partially believe that I’ve gotten to a place in my life and then some short time after I realise I’m back at square one. For example, “I look slimmer today. I think I’ve lost weight.” The following week… “I’ve never looked so fat in my entire life.” That was a pretty generic example but I’m sure you catch my drift. By the way, I’m writing this post on my iPhone as it won’t let me post on my laptop. So, chances are it’s not going to flow as nicely.

One of my main ‘there and back again’ problems is with my anxiety – I’m trying to be as open as I can on this blog so I provide a more authentic experience for my readers. I have suffered from different forms of anxiety for a while now, but social anxiety has dominated my life for the past 2-3 years. The best way to describe my anxiety is by the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ theory; this is the reaction human beings get when they are faced with grave danger like having a gun pointed at your head for example. So, when faced with that specific problem you could…
A: fight the gunman.
B: try and flee from the gunman.
C: freeze and do nothing
Well, my anxiety tricks my brain into thinking normal day-to-day situations are threatening to me. Such as: meeting new people, walking by groups of people, getting in an elevator with someone, seeing myself on camera, going to meet new friends, getting my picture taken, the doorbell ringing, someone saying something rude to me etc. It’s not as bad as I’ve just made it to sound though. At different times, different things can be better or worse. I have good days and I have bad days. Since I have moved to Glasgow I’ve felt it get significantly better though. I felt like I was really getting ‘there’. However, the past week I’ve felt myself slip ‘back’. Although to tell you the truth I was feeling a lot better today.

Most of my anxiety is to do with the way I look or how I think I look. If I look in the mirror and I feel like I’m not looking as bad then that can trigger a good day. But say for example I was recorded on camera that day and I wasn’t happy with the results then that could trigger the rest of my day as a bad one. I wish it wasn’t that way but it is.

I have a real problem talking about this type of thing because society tells you that this is not a manly thing to feel. It is feminine. It is irregular. Not normal. Gay. Words like these are used to describe men like me. Men who aren’t macho type lads that have no problem going topless and talking to girls – not to be sexist and generic ๐Ÿ˜. I know that I don’t have a good chance with girls because for the most part I am not what they are looking for. I am an unfit, wimpy, pathetic excuse for a boyfriend in the attraction department, I’m mostly sure. Although, I do believe there’s someone out there for me๐Ÿ”ฎ๐ŸŽ†๐Ÿ”ฎ. I’m not a complete Debbie downer though; I have a unique view on certain things, I’m not the worst dressed I just can’t wear it as well, I can be funny and once I lose weight I will most likely be a lot happier in myself therefor leading to a more confident version of myself. And don’t get me wrong, with the right people I can appear over-confident and when I’m drunk wheyheeey where’s that anxiety ran off to?

I may have ended up spiralling off into a completely different way in which I intended but that’s just me. For that was ‘there and back again’ by Bilbo Baggins Finn.

Tidying and Tescoing

Hello all earth creatures. I’m back again with my second post and soon enough you’ll realise that I have no real flow when it comes to writing. I can’t stick to the same ‘style’ one might say and it might even seem like another person writing at times – or maybe it is – *X-Files tune*. Also, one of the reasons that I’ve started writing again is so that I don’t forget how to. It’s been a while and I can already tell that some of my grammar, punctuation bladibla has slipped.

Anyway, some of you may be wondering why this is titled ‘Tidying and Tescoing’… Well that is because earlier today I tidied my room and later today I am making a trip to Tesco. Simple dimple nipple slipple homedawg. I didn’t properly wake up until some time between 2 and 3 which I suppose is pretty bad but I’ve always had a complicated relationship with my sleep pattern. I woke up feeling all groggy and mehhhhh and my suitcase was lying on the floor with clothes all around it, their were sheets and receipts scattered all about the place and I seem to have a habit of forgetting to take mugs and dishes back to the kitchen. So, I got out of bed and powered through it all macho style. I slumbered out of bed and lay around my own filth for a while, contemplating the days tasks or potentially lack of. I craved a cup of coffee and a bowl of Alpen but I could hear my two mid-twenty Iraqi flatmates in the kitchen talking in a language that I will probably never understand. And as nice as they are, I just wasn’t ready to walk in with some sloppy t-shirt, boxers and greasy bed hair at 3pm making awkward conversation and shimmying around them to the cupboard and kettle. I mean, some of the more positive people out there in the world may have said “HEY FINN! GET SHOWERED, GET DRESSED AND HAVE AN A-OK START TO THE DAY!” but I’m much more of an “I’ll do it later” type of guy. As I couldn’t have my coffee & cereal, I decided to start tidying my room; picking up, folding and putting away clothes, binning the rubbish, hoovering etc. After all of that was done, I opened up my laptop and was reminded of this blog. At this point my flatmates were still in the kitchen so I couldn’t take my dishes through just yet and the shower seemed pointless until those dishes were cleaned – LOGIC – so I decided that in good faith I should top up this blog which led me to where I am now.

Now on to the Tesco part…

After I have done the dishes, made my breakfast, had my post-coffee cigarette, showered and gotten ready, I shall make my way through the treacherous city centre to the nearest Tesco. I don’t particularly want to make this trip but whilst the other two of my flatmates have been away this weekend and I have been moping about feeling sorry for myself, a carton of Tesco’s own chocolate milk and a Cadbury’s Flake yoghurt mysteriously disappeared from the fridge – IF YOU ARE READING THIS TIA… I AM SORRY. I CAN’T HELP MY FAT AND GREEDY WAYS. IF YOU AREN’T READING THIS TIA… HAHAHAHAHA YOU WILL NEVER KNOW OF MY TREACHERY AND SIN! – they come back tomorrow though and I have a busy first day of work planned so today seems to be the only appropriate time to take action.

So, this was another pointless post by maraudingminds ๐Ÿ™‚ G’day!

A little about myself…

Hello, my name is Finn Toolis. I was born on November 12th 1996. At the moment I am studying Media & Television Production in Glasgow. I moved there on the 30th August 2014. I’m bad at describing myself because how can one possibly illustrate who they are when they change their mind on the matter every other Tuesday. However, I suppose ‘About me’ means the basics. So, that being the case; I am a bit of an obsessive when it comes to film and television. My taste stretches around every nook and cranny. Like mostly every other human being, I like music. I couldn’t tell you who/what my favourite artists, films and shows are though. It’s a Sophie’s choice. I don’t play any sports but I secretly wish I was a horse-riding bow and arrow expert archer type.

I’m a bit of a lonely person, not necessarily meaning that I am always alone. I mostly enjoy it this way though. I can’t seem to form those ‘relationships’ that people talk about, and group dynamics sometimes confuse me nowadays. I have a few close friends but I feel that so many of my friendships are going to wither and die sometime soon. I don’t necessarily speak like this in real life either but I find it much easier to put things in writing compared to speech. I like food, particularly junk food but I’m really trying to cut down on that as I have some pretty bad self-confidence. But, we all have our demons ๐Ÿ™‚ I sound so morbid and depressed but I’d like to think that I can be pretty fun – if you like people pretending to be cats, creating random characters, surprise attack biting you, fake fainting and just annoying shit like that.

I’m pretty scared about the future because I feel so behind in life from where I should be. I don’t know what job I want or anything like that. I fucked up school pretty bad due to my attendance which left me from possibly getting into uni to doing a low course at college. Luckily, my nan and papa are sort of well off and got me student accommodation in Glasgow or else I’d still be stuck in my hometown of Dumfries which I don’t exactly love. I mean, it’s a nice town but it’s just not me. I’m not entirely sure what type of things I’ll be writing about on my blog yet. I’ll probably be talking about films and shows that I watch, food, society, problems that I face and just a bunch of shit no one is probably interested in haha. Anyway, I’ve been blabbering for ages and I can’t even remember what I’ve wrote so I’ll end it here. For that was a brief summary by myself, Finn.

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