Back again and with a guide to failure.

So, it appears that I’m here yet again. It saddens me to admit that my recent attempt of a ‘comeback’ failed miserably. It was a lousy piece of writing that lacked the Finn-ish substance that we have all come to know and love (nod, smile and act like you know what I’m talking about). Failure is never a nice thing to feel. Whether that be in education, work, relationships, friendships or the worst – and totally the best – giving into that 12″ Margherita pizza when your diet has been going so well; and when your closest heaven-like takeaway does a great ‘BOGOF’ offer, who can possibly say no? Unfortunately for most failures; the faster the drive, the harder the crash. It is important to remember that those horrible feelings in which failure brings – although intense – are only temporary. We must accept our mistakes and work from them.

From my own experience and the accounts of others, I believe that there are 6 different stages of failure:

Confusion

Sadness

Regret

Anger

Acceptance

and finally; motivation for something greater!

I, like so many others, do not believe that they are good enough. We already have failure in our heads and as a result we carry this through everything we do. I don’t see it happening at the time but it’s a more than reasonable answer for why I’m so bloody good at not putting in my 110%. I may mock my old drama teacher for her constant ramblings about ‘SFP’ – SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY, but for the most part, she was right. I mean, don’t get me wrong… if I believe that I’m going to turn into a Russian gymnastic potato, I doubt it will actually happen. But in terms of failure, it’s pretty effective to go into it with a positive outlook as hard as that may be.

And remember…

DO NOT COMPARE YOURSELF TO ANYONE ELSE. THIS IS YOUR JOURNEY. WHO EVEN DEFINES FAILURE? DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE DEFINED BY YOUR COURSE, JOB, FRIENDS, PAST OR WHATEVER OTHER CRAPPY THING SOCIETY PROJECTS INTO OUR EXPECTATIONS OF LIFE. HAPPINESS IS THE KEY TO SUCCESS. PROJECT YOUR GREATEST VIBES OUT INTO THE WORLD AND THEY MIGHT JUST BOUNCE BACK!

For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds 🙂

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There and back again

Hello, I wrote this post as I’ve been thinking about how I always partially believe that I’ve gotten to a place in my life and then some short time after I realise I’m back at square one. For example, “I look slimmer today. I think I’ve lost weight.” The following week… “I’ve never looked so fat in my entire life.” That was a pretty generic example but I’m sure you catch my drift. By the way, I’m writing this post on my iPhone as it won’t let me post on my laptop. So, chances are it’s not going to flow as nicely.

One of my main ‘there and back again’ problems is with my anxiety – I’m trying to be as open as I can on this blog so I provide a more authentic experience for my readers. I have suffered from different forms of anxiety for a while now, but social anxiety has dominated my life for the past 2-3 years. The best way to describe my anxiety is by the ‘fight, flight or freeze’ theory; this is the reaction human beings get when they are faced with grave danger like having a gun pointed at your head for example. So, when faced with that specific problem you could…
A: fight the gunman.
B: try and flee from the gunman.
C: freeze and do nothing
Well, my anxiety tricks my brain into thinking normal day-to-day situations are threatening to me. Such as: meeting new people, walking by groups of people, getting in an elevator with someone, seeing myself on camera, going to meet new friends, getting my picture taken, the doorbell ringing, someone saying something rude to me etc. It’s not as bad as I’ve just made it to sound though. At different times, different things can be better or worse. I have good days and I have bad days. Since I have moved to Glasgow I’ve felt it get significantly better though. I felt like I was really getting ‘there’. However, the past week I’ve felt myself slip ‘back’. Although to tell you the truth I was feeling a lot better today.

Most of my anxiety is to do with the way I look or how I think I look. If I look in the mirror and I feel like I’m not looking as bad then that can trigger a good day. But say for example I was recorded on camera that day and I wasn’t happy with the results then that could trigger the rest of my day as a bad one. I wish it wasn’t that way but it is.

I have a real problem talking about this type of thing because society tells you that this is not a manly thing to feel. It is feminine. It is irregular. Not normal. Gay. Words like these are used to describe men like me. Men who aren’t macho type lads that have no problem going topless and talking to girls – not to be sexist and generic 😁. I know that I don’t have a good chance with girls because for the most part I am not what they are looking for. I am an unfit, wimpy, pathetic excuse for a boyfriend in the attraction department, I’m mostly sure. Although, I do believe there’s someone out there for me🔮🎆🔮. I’m not a complete Debbie downer though; I have a unique view on certain things, I’m not the worst dressed I just can’t wear it as well, I can be funny and once I lose weight I will most likely be a lot happier in myself therefor leading to a more confident version of myself. And don’t get me wrong, with the right people I can appear over-confident and when I’m drunk wheyheeey where’s that anxiety ran off to?

I may have ended up spiralling off into a completely different way in which I intended but that’s just me. For that was ‘there and back again’ by Bilbo Baggins Finn.