I gave up on this blog a few months ago as it’s in my nature to only succeed at beginnings. However… Times are ‘a changing (HALLELUJAH) and it’s time for a comeback. I’ve been stuck the past few days on what to write and even whilst typing this now I’m still not sure on what is to follow. Having read back on previous posts for some sort of ‘Finspiration’™; I noticed that I never really went into a new post with anything set in stone. For me, writing is a way to express myself in a platform that speech prohibits. I’m not exactly an intelligent person – as a good friend of mine previously stated: “I know a little about a lot.”. – This does limit me from some in-depth conversations from time-to-time. However, we are in charge of our own front.
When I was a young boy I often questioned who I was; who I was meant to be and who I should never become. At the ripe old age of 18, I ask myself the same 3 questions.
Who is Finn?… Well I still don’t know the bloody answer. Not many of us do I suppose. I have a lot of paradoxical traits which lead me to confusion. An example of this would be introversion and extroversion. Most people are either an introvert or an extrovert, that just seems to be the way it is. However, I can identify with both. A hybrid of sorts. I can be in the thick of a crowd but still mentally observe from the sideline. I’ve touched on my confidence in previous posts and it is still a harrowing issue in my life. Do I really perceive myself in such a different way than others? In my mind this can’t be true. The worst part of low self-confidence is having a good day. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about your physical self. How can I go from feeling so disgusting and unloved to looking at myself and feeling like I’m not this hideous monster? One day I can look at myself topless and feel like a muffin fresh out of the oven; on another I can feel like I’m in completely different skin. Recently I have been determined to join the gym but I refuse to go alone on my first couple of visits. It sounds pathetic but I have created this mental block for myself and only a gym buddy can fix it. I know that I can do it though.
Who am I supposed to be? Well I’ve learned the answer to this and it’s very simple. I can only be myself – warts ‘n all (thankfully I have no warts). There’s no point trying to be something you’re not because your roots will only grow stronger and eventually while you’re trying to be this beautiful rose, your real inner flower will be like “Hey, wtf man… you’re not a rose. I am not letting this happen. Come back here young man or I’ll ground you!” (my inner flower is an angry old lady by the way).
Who should I never become? Anyone but myself because that’s just not healthy.
I’ve felt myself get very lazy as of late. Recently, someone has came into my life who has been helping me get through this. They encouraged me to start writing again and they have persisted that I eat healthily and join the gym. The nicest thing is that they only do this because they see what makes me unhappy. They see the potential I have and for a guy like me that’s something to cherish.
I hope to continue with this blog as it benefits me in many different ways. I have an interview next month for a writing course so hopefully this helps me prepare.
For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds.