The Comeback

I gave up on this blog a few months ago as it’s in my nature to only succeed at beginnings. However… Times are ‘a changing (HALLELUJAH) and it’s time for a comeback. I’ve been stuck the past few days on what to write and even whilst typing this now I’m still not sure on what is to follow. Having read back on previous posts for some sort of ‘Finspiration’™; I noticed that I never really went into a new post with anything set in stone. For me, writing is a way to express myself in a platform that speech prohibits. I’m not exactly an intelligent person – as a good friend of mine previously stated: “I know a little about a lot.”. – This does limit me from some in-depth conversations from time-to-time. However, we are in charge of our own front.

When I was a young boy I often questioned who I was; who I was meant to be and who I should never become. At the ripe old age of 18, I ask myself the same 3 questions.

Who is Finn?… Well I still don’t know the bloody answer. Not many of us do I suppose. I have a lot of paradoxical traits which lead me to confusion. An example of this would be introversion and extroversion. Most people are either an introvert or an extrovert, that just seems to be the way it is. However, I can identify with both. A hybrid of sorts. I can be in the thick of a crowd but still mentally observe from the sideline. I’ve touched on my confidence in previous posts and it is still a harrowing issue in my life. Do I really perceive myself in such a different way than others? In my mind this can’t be true. The worst part of low self-confidence is having a good day. It makes you question everything you thought you knew about your physical self. How can I go from feeling so disgusting and unloved to looking at myself and feeling like I’m not this hideous monster? One day I can look at myself topless and feel like a muffin fresh out of the oven; on another I can feel like I’m in completely different skin. Recently I have been determined to join the gym but I refuse to go alone on my first couple of visits. It sounds pathetic but I have created this mental block for myself and only a gym buddy can fix it. I know that I can do it though.

Who am I supposed to be? Well I’ve learned the answer to this and it’s very simple. I can only be myself – warts ‘n all (thankfully I have no warts). There’s no point trying to be something you’re not because your roots will only grow stronger and eventually while you’re trying to be this beautiful rose, your real inner flower will be like “Hey, wtf man… you’re not a rose. I am not letting this happen. Come back here young man or I’ll ground you!” (my inner flower is an angry old lady by the way).

Who should I never become? Anyone but myself because that’s just not healthy.

I’ve felt myself get very lazy as of late. Recently, someone has came into my life who has been helping me get through this. They encouraged me to start writing again and they have persisted that I eat healthily and join the gym. The nicest thing is that they only do this because they see what makes me unhappy. They see the potential I have and for a guy like me that’s something to cherish.

I hope to continue with this blog as it benefits me in many different ways. I have an interview next month for a writing course so hopefully this helps me prepare.

For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds.

A mask, a task and an overall fail.

Hello. I know that I said I’d write a post today/yesterday (it’s just after midnight) about my first day of work but I know it will be long and I’ve left it too late. I have college in the morning so I need to be up early. However, if I don’t post anything then I would be letting myself down.

So last night I set myself a few tasks to be done today/yesterday/you know what I mean. First of all, I needed to go to the bank to change my address and get a new card as my current one has expired and I don’t know if I’ll get paid on it. Secondly, I had to finish my assessment that was due a week ago. And last of all I had to write up a couple more posts to go on here.
Well, well, well… Typical me managed to more or less fail all of my tasks. I thought the bank shut at half 5 but I sadly arrived at 5:01 just as it was shutting. Once I went to finish the last part of my assessment, I am added to a group chat made up of my classmates in which everyone is discussing the new assessment. Now bare in mind that I didn’t know this new assessment even existed – let alone that it’s due for tomorrow. So now I have something new to stress about, and the fact that every single person in the chat is saying how impossible it is doesn’t help either.
What would a normal person do in this situation?
Probably sit themselves down, study the shit out of the assessment and then try and get it started.
What would I do in this situation?
Well, in typical Finn fashion I let myself get distracted, start messing about, forget about my original assessment – which I managed to finish later on – and end up playing a game of chappy/ding dong ditch/chap door run/whatever you call annoyingly knocking at a door then running away. Yes, my childish self manages to persuade my flatmates to join in too. All of our attempts fail and no one even answers as we watch through the peephole, mimicking – or reliving – our younger selves. As that failed I weirdly suggest that we write funny death threats to leave at our neighbours doors. Again, no one answers. So, we end up moulding a mask made of tin foil to my face and changing my attire to ‘ski resort robot serial killer chic’ to try and scare passers by. This was also a fat fail. We retire to our boudoirs, time passes by and now here I am. I still have tomorrow to do my assessment though which isn’t too bad. I also forgot to mention my many memory attacks that I incurred today. Memory attacks, you ask?…
I can’t remember, sorry.
For this was another pointless post by maraudingminds G’night 🙈🔮🌃